short story opening : Hello 2016! Where did you come from?

My new years day started off with a bang, and I mean that in many different ways.

1; fireworks
2: My buttomus went "QUAAAAAAAACK" so I replied "yeeeeeees" but it said nothing.
3: a magical bog roll blasted through my fart steamed window.

I was very surprised when he did this because we had loo roll blasting through your window proof windows.
"Why hello there young butt wiper" I said in confusion.
Another small puff flew out my bum in excitement.
"Hello there sir " it said in a cute little voice.
That was confusing seeing that he had enough power to blast through that window.
"Master Bean needs you for a mission sir".
"okaaaaay, but stop calling me sir, its kinda creepy"

Next time: Dr.shopping trolley and Mr. shopping basket

Brodie (FOR REAL)